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Safety Plans for Dating Violence
If you are still in the relationship:
- Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
- Think about and make a list of safe people to contact
- Establish a "code word" or "sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
- Keep money, a credit card and your identification (and that of your children) with you at all times
- Memorize all important numbers.
- Think about what to say to your partner if he\she becomes violent, knowing you cannot control it.
If you have left the relationship and are being stalked by your partner or a stranger or fear he/she will hurt you:
- File police reports for all abuse and stalking incidents.
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the partner/stalker.
- Do not change your phone number. This action could escalate the stalker. If you can, get a different phone and number for friends, family, etc. and keep the other phone off so it does not bother you. Save any messages from the stalker for the police. You do not have to listen to them.
- Change locks, if the partner has a key.
- Avoid walking alone or call friends and family as you are walking.g.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by the partner/stalker.
- Vary your routine – walk different ways to and from the train, leave at different times, etc.
- Notify school and work contacts and respective security offices.
If you leave the relationship or are thinking of leaving, you should take important papers and documents with you to enable you to apply for benefits or take legal action.
Important papers you should take include:
- Social security cards and birth certificates for you and your children
- Your marriage license if married
- Leases or deeds in your name or both yours and your partner's names
- Your checkbook, charge cards, and bank statements
- Insurance policies
- Proof of income for you and your partner if you lived together (pay stubs or W-2's)
- Any documentation of past incidents of abuse (photos, police reports, medical records, etc.)
| Safe Horizon Domestic Violence Hotline |
800-621-HOPE |
DayOne Teen Dating Violence
Excellent resource for students under 22. They will assist with legal services. |
800-214-4150 |
| NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project |
212-714-1141 |
Barrier Free Living
Domestic violence support for
people with disabilities
|
212-533-4358 (Voice)
212-533-4632 (TTY) |
| Sakhi for South Asian Women |
212-868-6741 |
New York Asian Women’s Center
Multilingual 24-hr hotline |
1-888-888-7702 |
| TAMKEEN Center for Arab American Empowerment
|
718-250-5122 |
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If You are being Stalked
If you have left a relationship and are being stalked by your partner, ex-partner, or are being stalked by an acquaintance or a stranger:
- File police reports for all abuse and stalking incidents.
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the partner/stalker.
- Do not change your phone number. This action could escalate the stalker. If you can, get a different phone and number for friends, family, etc. and keep the other phone off so it does not bother you. Save any messages from the stalker for the police. You do not have to listen to them.
- Change locks, if the partner has a key.
- Avoid walking alone or call friends and family as you are walking.g.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by the partner/stalker.
- Vary your routine – walk different ways to and from the train, leave at different times, etc.
- Notify school and work contacts and respective security offices.
Download a stalking brochure from www.ncvc.org or from www.safehorizon.org
Call any of the following hotlines for more information, if you are in crisis, and for support.
| Safe Horizon Stalking |
212-577-7777 |
National Center for Victims of Crime
|
800-211-7996 |
| St. Luke’s Crime Victim’s Treatment Center |
212-523-4728 |
New York Asian Women’s Center
|
888-8788-7702/
www.nyawc.org |
| Sakhi |
212.868.6741/
www.sakhi.org |
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Ongoing counseling |
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| New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
|
212-714-1141 |
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If You have been Raped
If you have been raped by a stranger, a friend, a family member, a date or your partner
DO NOT TAKE A SHOWER, go directly to a hospital emergency room and request a rape kit
Requesting a rape kit does not mean you must press charges but it keeps the DNA evidence until you decide what to do.
- Call the NYPD Special Victim’s Liaison Squad 24-hr confidential hot-line, Safe Horizon or any of the other hotline numbers on the other side of this sheet. Many also offer free confidential counseling after rape, sexual assault or incest.
- Go to www.nycagainstrape.org for free treatment programs in every borough.
Safe Horizon for Rape, Sexual Assault, Incest
Or, call the NYPD SVU Liaison Squad 24-hrs. |
212-227-3000
212-267-RAPE |
St. Luke’s Crime Victim’s Treatment Center
Ongoing counseling
|
212-523-4728 |
| NYC Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project |
212-714-1184 |
New York Asian Women’s Center
|
888-8788-7702/
www.nyawc.org |
| Sakhi |
212.868.6741/
www.sakhi.org |
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Safety Tips for Dating
General Safety Tips to Minimize Risk:
- Mix your own drinks/Don’t leave drinks unattended: Getting you drunk or giving you knockout drops is an easy way to cloud your judgment.
- Find out who your date is: Ask for your date’s first name, where they work and live, what they like and do not like. Ask around if anyone knows the person.
- Introduce your date to others: Introduce your date to your friends or the bartender. Tell a friend where you are going. Make sure your date knows you spread the word about them.
- Protect your valuables: Do not carry extra cash. If you bring someone home, do not leave your wallet, cash or valuables in sight. Your possessions and the person you brought home could all be gone while you are in the shower or sleeping.
Safety for Online Dating:
- Protect your security. Never give anyone else your password. No matter why they say they need it or who they say they are, they don’t. If someone asks you for your password, report them to your online service provider. If you think someone knows your password, change it.
- Protect your privacy. Surfing the ‘net seems anonymous, but Web sites you visit may gather your e-mail address or other information, or record which sites you’ve visited in a "cookie" which they or another site can retrieve later, without your knowledge or consent. Learn about the privacy and security features of your Web browser, and use them. For example, you may want to get a warning if a site tries to give you a cookie, or disable cookies altogether. You can customize your Web browser’s e-mail settings to use a pseudonym instead of your real name, and a blank or false e-mail address. If you want to give someone your real name or e-mail address, you can give it to them in your message.
- Be cautious about revealing information that could identify you. For example, if you give someone your listed phone number, they can get your real name and street address.
- Remember that when you meet someone you've chatted with online, you're really meeting them for the first time. When you’re online you don’t have non-verbal cues such as voice inflection or body language to guide your judgement of their honesty or intentions.
- For your first meeting, pick a place that’s public and neutral. If you’re traveling to visit them in their town or neighborhood, you should pick a place you’re comfortable with when you arrive.
- Report it. If you're in the New York area, call one of the following hotlines if you're harassed online or victimized by someone you've met. All services are free and confidential.
| NYC HOTLINES. |
| Safe Horizon Stalking
|
212-577-7777/
www.safehorizon.org |
| National Center for Victims of Crime |
800-211-7996/
www.ncvc.org |
New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
|
212-714-1141/
www.avp.org |
| DayOne Teen Dating Violence legal services for people 22. |
800-214-4150/
www.dayoneny.org |
| Barrier Free Living, for people with disabilities |
212-533-4358(V)
212-533-4632 (TTY) |
| New York Asian Women’s Center |
888-8788-7702/
www.nyawc.org |
| Sakhi |
212.868.6741/
www.sakhi.org |
| NYPD Special Victim’s Liaison Squad 24-hr. confidential hotline |
212-267-RAPE |
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